I’m back! It’s been a long while since I posted anything and I honestly don’t know what has kept me away or from writing, but I’m here now…so let’s GO!
Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of research about ADHD and I am amazed I never dove into this information before or knew how much it was affecting my life. When I was 32 I was diagnosed with adult ADHD. I was really surprised because I did really well in high school, so well in fact that I graduated number 10 in my class with highest honors and was awarded an academic scholarship to a private university.
College on the other hand, proved to be very tough for me and rough at times. I always attributed that to my bipolar disorder diagnosis, but now I think it was a combination of ADHD symptoms and suffering with bipolar symptoms that weren’t properly treated.
The day I asked my new psychiatrist to test me for ADHD I had gotten lost in the office building and wound up being later than I already was. I kept forgetting his office number even though I looked at it several times while walking to his office. I was nervous for my first visit and my mind was continually wandering as I was overthinking how the first visit would go. I kept going down different halls, turning corners, going upstairs and downstairs because I kept looking for the wrong number and the office numbering system didn’t make sense to me.
When I finally found his office I was about ten to fifteen minutes late. I was embarrassed as I explained that I kept forgetting the office number and wandered around aimlessly before I found it. The receptionist told me not to worry about it and asked if I had ADHD. I told her no. Then she suggested that I get evaluated for it, so that’s what I did.
After the psychiatrist and I went over my history and talked about my bipolar diagnosis, medication, and therapy, I asked if he would test me for ADHD. He asked me a list of questions that I guess tested my working memory and distractibility and asked about everyday occurrences. He then diagnosed me with ADHD, but I sort of didn’t believe it, but at the same time wasn’t surprised.
There have been people in my adult life that have commented that I may have ADHD after I was spacey or was being a “dumb blond”, asked a question that had just been answered, or had flight of ideas. At that time I thought that ADHD was just those things; getting distracted easily and not being able to focus. I did have trouble with those things, but I didn’t think it was a big deal.
My doctor prescribed me a medication to help with the symptoms but I never really felt like they did anything. I realize now that they probably were working, I just didn’t know how or how much my ADHD manifested and effected everyday tasks and my behaviors and situations in every day life.
I didn’t do any research when I got the diagnosis about ADHD or the symptoms or how it can effect your life. I thought I knew what it impacted based on what I heard about as a child and somewhat as an adult.
Recently, I was talking to my therapist and mentioned a few things I was always struggling with.
I explained that I had trouble with laundry, specifically actually doing any before I had at least 5 loads to do, remembering to switch wet clothes to the dryer, remembering to take the clothes out when the dryer goes off, and following through with putting up the clothes for weeks at a time. I also mentioned that there was clutter all over my house and I always had about 5 glasses or soda cans sitting next to my bed. I also told her how frustrated I was that I couldn’t stick to a schedule.
She said this was all due to my ADHD.
I told her I had no idea this was because of ADHD. She offered to send me some instagram posts and accounts I could follow to help implement some hacks to make things more manageable, which I have implemented and have helped and/worked for the last coupe of weeks.
I was so surprised that these things I thought I just couldn’t do because I was lazy, unfocused, and lacked motivation were actually not my fault. This started me on a journey to read, watch videos, and research everything associated with ADHD.
I have now identified a plethora of things I do because of this disorder and realized that so many of my behaviors, thought processes, quirks, and the things that make me, me, are caused by ADHD.
My mind was blown, y’all.
I basically feel that my entire personality and all my behaviors are ADHD symptoms manifested infinitely. I can explain myself with four words. Who am I? Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This is who I am and what I am.
Okay, I know that’s pushing it and that is not fully true, but so much of what made me “weird” my whole life and different from others are the quirks and struggles that I contain within myself.
I don’t feel so alone now.
And I’m glad other people who have been called weird and lazy and messy their whole lives also have an explanation proving that these things aren’t entirely true.
(Okay, I probably am a “weird-artist-lady”despite these ADHD manifestations, but that’s another essay for another day.)
Things make so much sense now and a lot of things I thought were normal are not.
I realize that not everyone loses track of time on a regular basis or forgets to eat and drink water throughout the day.
I realize that most people don’t get distracted and jump from task to task.
I realize that not everyone starts multiple projects at once, but soon loses motivation or gets bored and doesn’t finish them.
Now I know. I’ve learned a lot about myself recently and I’m excited to share some of my discoveries with you.
The following are some things I relate to because of ADHD:
“Zoomies”- Let me explain what this term means. It’s starting one task, such as cleaning your bedroom, and you pick up a cup and take it back to the kitchen. Once you’re in the kitchen you notice the pile of mail you haven’t opened in two weeks and decide to go through it. At some point before all the mail has been opened, you look up and notice all the dog hair on your couch, so you switch to taking care of that mess. Then you remember you were cleaning the bedroom and return to that, but every time you have to put something away in another room or try to put pajama bottoms in a dresser drawer, you realize you need to go through your dresser drawers and get rid of things because the pajamas bottoms won’t fit so you start that or you take deodorant to the bathroom and see that the vanity needs to be cleaned, so you decide to start that. Eventually you may finish all the tasks, but if it’s me I’ll compete a few things or at least finish cleaning my room, then sit down to take a break and won’t be able to get going again to finish anything else I’ve started.
You see, this is the zoomies.
You zoom around in chaos trying to get things done and be productive while you’re motivated to tidy up, but you zoom around and get distracted by other cleaning or tidying tasks that need to be completed as your surroundings change.
Poor hygiene- Such as forgetting to brush your teeth twice a day or at all, not taking a lot of showers and not consistently washing your hair at least once a week. You might be totally grossed out right now, but this is my life if I don’t make a concerted effort to take care of my hygiene. Luckily, both my husband and I manifest this symptom, so we don’t get grossed out. We do; however, nudge each other to shower when it’s been too long or we want to get close and be naked. We aren’t heathens after all.
Hyperfocus- According to the National Institute of Health, hyperfocus is described as “a phenomenon that reflects one's complete absorption in a task, to a point where a person appears to completely ignore or 'tune out' everything else.” This happens when you become intensely fixated and completely engrossed while working on something or engaging in something that you find fascinating and interesting .
ADHD brains are dopamine deficient so your brain is constantly searching for more dopamine and whatever holds your focus and concentration this intently is providing an increase in dopamine which makes you feel good.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that impacts areas of the brain that make you feel satisfaction, pleasure, and motivation. So when you’re hyperfocused, you’re motivated to continue to remain engrossed in the activity that grips and holds your attention so much that you tune out the surrounding world because it feels really good.
Dopamine also impacts concentration, learning, sleep, mood, movement and plays a role in controlling memory, as well as other functions in the body. This is why I love to research things that interest me or I find curios.
I can research things for hours, just like when I get lost in my own world while I paint or write about things that I find compelling, which I am experiencing as at this very moment. (side note: it’s currently 9:36 pm and I should already be asleep but, I don’t want to stop working on this. You might say I am hyperfocused right now.)
Doom Pile or Doom Room - A pile of random things that have accumulated in a big pile on the floor, in a chair, wherever there is free space, or has consumed an entire room. My husband and I both have ADHD and our bedroom is either cluttered with multiple Doom Piles or completely becomes a Doom Room. My husband’s “office” is his private Doom Room and Doom Closet that has been in disarray and complete chaos since we moved in two years ago.
Floordrobe- A pile of clothes that have been worn a time or two (or three) that aren’t dirty enough to be put in the hamper but not clean enough to put away either. Clothes you have tried on and not had the energy or motivation to hang back up are also included in this pile. It’s a wardrobe on the floor.
Since we don’t have carpet in our bedroom, my laundry basket that is full of clean clothes that were never put away is piled high with these items, as well as the side of a hamper I don’t use and an area in my closet on top of some shelves. .At my old house I had a Chairdrobe.
Laundry Problems- There are multiple things that ADHD brains struggle with when it comes to laundry. I struggled with laundry until I learned about a hack that has changed everything for me. Before I implemented the ADHD laundry hack, I struggled with doing the laundry on a regular basis and the follow through once it was started.
Time Blindness- People with ADHD experience time differently. It can either zoom by or move as fast as hair grows. We often miscalculate how long tasks will take and we’re usually late to everything. I hate being late because someone once said that when you’re late it shows that you don’t respect other peoples time. This is not true when I am late. I just lose track of time or get distracted while getting ready or wait until the last second to get ready because I literally think I can shower, shave my legs, blow dry my hair and style it, get dressed, put on makeup, and brush my teeth in thirty minutes. It never works, but somehow I am convinced I can do it.
I have developed one hack for my time blindness. Since I struggle to be on time for work, I get up extra early to get ready in case I get distracted by something. I also developed a morning routine, so I know how much time it should take to get ready, but still I get up earlier to allot for more time. Then I set a time I need to leave with a ten minute buffer, so if I leave ten minutes late I still get to work a few minutes early.
Impulsivity-This only gets worse when I experience hypomania or mania during a bipolar episode.
Not being able to keep focus and pay attention when people are talking to me.
Picking at my face all the time.
Pulling out my eyebrows and obsessively plucking hair on occasion- Pulling out hair releases dopamine, so each time you pull a hair out it makes you feel good. Most often I pull my eyebrows out when I am anxious or overstimulated. Its compulsive.
Leaving out the front door for work with slippers on.
Overplaying Songs-When I find a new song I really like, I’ll listen to it on repeat. Just yesterday, I listened to “Stick Season” by Noah Kahan for an entire thirty minute drive, then when I got home for another thirty minutes and again this morning on my way to work.
I freaking love this song right now. On Youtube I found an hour long loop of this single song and that’s what has made the continuous listening possible.
There’s more but I feel like this post is already a tad bit long.
Individuals with ADHD struggle with things of this nature because of poor executive functioning. Executive functions are skills related to planning, self-control, self-monitoring, working memory, time management, paying attention, starting a task and staying focused on it until completion, organization, prioritizing, remembering what you just read or heard, and regulating emotions.
Executive dysfunction impacts so many things and areas of life every day.
Maybe now you’re wondering if you have ADHD or maybe you’ll understand a family member or loved one better and understand their struggles a little more.
I’m amazed at all the parts of my life that are impacted every hour of my existence. It’s really eye opening and I am glad I finally took the time to do this research.
Do you relate to any of these symptoms or manifestations? Do you have any hacks for making life more manageable with ADHD? If so, leave them in the comments.
Thanks for reading and for those of you with ADHD, try to remember to have a great morning or evening.
Until next time, remember:
Your struggles don’t define you.
It’s okay the sink is generally full of dishes.
You can learn how to make tasks and life more manageable.
You don’t have defaults and you aren’t broken.
Love yourself most so negative criticism doesn’t define your self-worth.
Love yourself most, quirks, struggles, and all.
I am so happy to have a label for the Zoomies! I do this every time I get free time, I kind of enjoy it when I’m not under a time constraint, and I call it puttering when I’m doing it on purpose.